Living in The Present Happiness

Many things happened recently. I moved to a new place. I dont like to share the details in public, but my comment is.... everything must be happen for a reason. My auntie got her cancer surgery. She is really really a tough lady. She is very kind and soft-hearted but life is so hard on her. I pray for her better life, I can not think clearly on how can I help her, because the problem is so complicated and I got a headache whenever i try to think about it. See the cocky Indonesian people in Stockholm. I know that not so many people in Indonesia could get the chance to work abroad. so it is a pride. But seeing their behaviour makes me want to throw up. Very very cocky towards other people. Don't they think that they are so damn excellent and the other people are lower from them? Even my swedish friends and colleagues here are very very open to me, the very different look from them in many ways : skin, eyes, hair, height and languages. but these low quality people treat oth...

Tak perlu lagi rasanya menambahkan pandangan saya terhadap beberapa headline berita duka hari ini... Pedih, terguncang dan kehilangan kata-kata untuk mengungkapkannya... Saya rasa banyak pihak yang sudah menuliskannya dengan kata-kata yang lebih baik.... Namun malam ini ketika waktu doa tiba.... Saya sadar, hal seperti ini bisa terjadi kepada siapa saja, tanpa peringatan, tanpa persiapan.... Termasuk saya. Siapa yang menyangka , malam sabtu di mana konser musik akan dimulai...pertandingan sepakbola tim favorit.... waktunya melepas penat setelah semingguan bekerja..... kita ingin merayakan bersama orang-orang terkasih kemudian hal itu terjadi. Jika hal yang tidak diinginkan tersebut terjadi kepada saya... Saat saya tidak mempunyai kesempatan untuk mengucap selamat tinggal,maka semoga tulisan ini bisa sampai kepada orang-orang terkasih saya. Dalam hidup ini, tidak banyak orang yang mendapat tempat di hati saya. Bukan karena mereka tidak baik. Saya tertutup. saya...

Recently I just knew that there is a term called " Reverse Culture Shock". There are many definition about this term, to sum up in my understanding, it is a condition where someone experienced a life in a totally different place than he/she used to be. The way of living, the language, the behavior of the people, the education, the lifestyle, and of course the culture..... If you lived in a developing country then you went abroad to continue your study in a developed country, then probably you will experience it..... If you had to be an expatriate in a less-developed country than where you were born, you probably will experience it.... I think one week is not enought, at least one semester or even one year, where you have enxperience the whole season is the time limit.... I will write from my perspective...since it may happen to be vice versa.... What will you feel? Home sweet home? Not really.  It is not that we do not love our home anymore, I do love my family more ...

One of my favourite reality shows is The Return Of Superman, where all the Daddies should take care of their children without Mom.. This sunday, I had a very relaxing day just by doing laundry and watching it. This time is the 100th episode. I feels like I am following the kids grow week by week. But this episode is epic, the closing scene is where all the kids called their "Appa" ( =Daddy) untill 100 times. Suddenly I cried watching it. Yeah, I have my melancholic side too! Of course I remember my very own Daddy who is in Lampung right now. Very far far away. I remember how he has become my super hero during my life. I always have my Daddy's back Many times I felt like I want to give up, he is the very first my haven. I can complain without the fear of being judged.... I can tell what is on my mind without feeling stupid afterwards..... He is the only one. I remember there was a time when I wanted to give on something that seemed beyond m...

Have you ever experienced a condition where you finally have to choose among several options that were not easy? Like both of them are the same good, but you know that you can only have one? After that you picked one and in the middle of the journey, this thing comes to your mind : "what if I had done it differently...?" If so.... I want to share a very good advice from Buddha that heals related with that question : 4 Advice from Buddha Sakyamuni 1) Whoever you meet, this person is destined to appear in your life. That means nobody appears in your life by chance. Everyone around us, who interacts with us, is assigned with a mission. Maybe to teach us something, or to help us improve our current situation. 2) Whatever happens, it is the only event that could happen at that moment. What we have experienced, is not possible to occur in any other manner, even the least significant details or events. The notion “if I had done it differently… the outcome could ...

Today, I was stalking someone's instagram by mistake.... Amazingly, it felt like I have known him for so long and every post of his are so mind-blowing to me. I wish we can hang out together sometime... :) This post is inspired by one of his quotes : I travel because someday, I prefer to say "I can't believe I did that" to  "If only I did that".... Wow, it stucked in my mind deeply.. Recently I was thinking, what the hell I am doing right now.... I live far far away from my comfortable life in Indonesia... I have to take care of myself alone... Using public transportation everywhere, doing grocery shopping alone, even sleeping alone * ;P While I could get all the comfort at home.... The last thing which was so pathetic I think, when I received a package from my friend weighed 20kg ++... I feel like I wanna die bringing it home, alone... But!!!! I dont want to give up right now, what I have achieved right now is so awesome for me (self-procla...

I still can't believe that I would manage to get a job in Stockholm, Sweden! When I rerun what I have passed through recently.... those were such a huge blessings that continuously happen in my life.... My student visa ended on 30 June 2015. More than that, I should apply for visa extension to get a job for 6 months that required me a large sum of money, full cover insurance, I should stay in Sweden, go here and there to attend job interviews, but then I got an offer on June 20th 2015. So I can just sit back and relax, preparing for my return to Indonesia..... There was so much I want to share about greyson, my visa application, my super kind boss that makes lots of exception to secure my job in Sweden, my housing that was informed by aidilla, so that I dont have to stay in the hotel in Stockholm, my old stuffs from Halmstad that was taken care by my previous thesis partner.. Oh!!! I really think iin this world there is a bigger power that made them all happen... because to t...

The time for me has come to go back to Sweden. A mixed feeling arises... Excited to challenge myself in an international environment as an expat. Worried...so many little things still need to be done.Not all the preparations are ready. I am so WORRIED! Happy... I have reached my dreamt numbers to save at my current age. :-p Sad..I am about to leave my parents and some people I love for another time. I was thinking, what have I done in my previous life that requires me to have a place that I want is different where my favourite people are around? Why??? It is just sad when I think about that....

After graduation, many good things lined up. I managed to get a job, I got two job offers actually. Both are from the best companies in their fields, due to the time confirmation, I made a deal with this energy company. I can not speak Swedish fluently but, both managers seemed to love me! I also love them both. I guess I have done something right in the previous life, that the universe spoiled me alot. Thank you! When everything has settled, I booked a flight home. It is my time to meet my belooved people in Indonesia. I booked a 33-hour flight  back home. but it is all worth it! A trip from GOT-LHR I sat next to a Columbian guy from Gothenburg. He was super funny, I usually did not talk so much with strangers, but he just kept talking funny stories, sop that me and the other neighbour from Brazil kept laughing for the next two hours. because we talked so much, the guy that sat in front of me eaverdropped that I will transit in HKG. This was his first time, so he felt a...

I dont't think it has been 10 months already since I posted my happiness to go to Sweden, but yeah, it has come to an end for my master life. Aiming for a master degree... the universe granted me a beautiful life during the process plus a very special graduation ceremony in Nobel Banquet Hall , Stockholm. you can taste a bit how to be a Nobel prize winner.. ;) Me in The Blue Hall, Stockholm City Hall for my master Degree graduation ceremony :D After the ceremony, we took a picture on the pretty park behind the building, a (handsome) Swede came and complimented my dress, and asked what it was about, I explained the event, he said that I was so lucky because not everyone could have it... yeah I guess you completed my happiness that day. It's just I am so stunned, so I did not take that chance to speak longer with him ( haha.. ). I just knew that he has a summer house in Halmstad, isnt it actually so perfect for me? Stockholm Swede with Halmstad summer house? hahaha... But...

Limbo is defined as a condition where you are in the middle of heaven and hell. But you are in none of them. (   F.D.Wellem. Kamus Sejarah Gereja. Jakarta: BPK Gunung Mulia 2009). Too scary topics?? If you were my regular readers, you will know that it won't be.... In my perspective, there is no such thing as heaven or hell in the future. It has already started while we are living NOW. If you feel sad because your boyfriend treats you bad.... that is hell. If you feel happy because you just got the highest score on the exam...that is heaven. If you feel sad because you have to be separated with the people you love... that is hell. If you feel happy because you can make other people happy... that is heaven. As simple as that. For me, I am in my Limbo at this moment right now. I dont know what I should do after this.  But I believe, this universe has never stopped to surprise me. I will pray, try and let the best come along. Wish me luck!

The moment you realized when the universe granted your wishes, your body will have a weird sensation that makes you can not stay still. Then when, in reality, what you gets compares to what you wishes is much much better... the thrill becomes more.... it treats your body like.. drugs (maybe?) you get addicted more and more... The problem comes up when in the end, your wishes come to an end. Everything has an end , doesn't it? One month left before I finish my study in Sweden... Several invitations for farewell dinner parties, farewell Europe trip, farewell buffet lunch have intrigued me... It is nice to have a party and trip together, but farewell? Just imagining them makes me so deeply sad. There is something wrong when you saw a duck is so happy sun-bathing in Sweden, you feel jealous with it... How come it can be so lucky to stay in Sweden? In Halmstad...? whole its life.... I notice every single thing that I will miss later on.... Because this time is precious, th...

Today I realized that kindness has many forms.. Kindness is the same language that everyone will understand... These several weeks I experienced so many culture shock... But deep inside my heart I believe that he is a kind man.... so, there is no reason for me to get angry with him... A unique understanding and feeling... You just can not get angry no matter how annoyed you feel, just because you know that he is a good guy, and you still like him anyway... :")

I am the type of the girl who will not be survive the LDR for more than 6 months , I guess... because it feels so fake when you did not meet someone for that long.. the feeling dissapears over time.... That is why now I'm single. The fact is currently I am thinking what happened with this human brain... ( by the means human = my brain). I keep falling in love with the bad guy, logically we are not supposed to be together by all means. But it happens again and again until I am tired of myself.... WHY??? The reason why I feel tired is because when I do fall in love, I become so stupid, doing things I shouldn't do, allow him hurt myself.... while others are waiting for me patiently.. understanding me and try to comfort me... Why does my feeling can not feel the way my brain thinks? SO tired....

Have you ever watched "In Time" movie? You know when your time to live is... How long you will survive..... copied from disneydreaming.com in my perspective, the bad side is... you will feel the nerves  waiting for the day to come... maybe rushing.... maybe crying or just waiting in the corner until your time ends... the good side is... suddenly your courage gains up to 2000% (hiperbolic a bit ;P) you know which places you want to go without worrying who will accompany you, or your savings.... you know which persons whom you will say your last words with... you will do whatever it takes to let them know how much they mean to you...     without worrying how awkward it will be. you will finish your masterpiece as your last gift to the world you left, suddenly you wont care about your sleep time anymore, since you will have one long one afterwards. you will try to be as good as you can as a human being, smile more... help more people... your tolerance level...

This time let me share my experience when I attended a very fruitful seminar called Gräv 2015 in Jönköping. Gräv is one of the most prestigious meetings for Swedish journalists. Gräv itself means "dig" , which is suitable to describe this event, journalists have to "dig" worthy information  , don't they? March 18th, 2015. As a Swedish Institute NFGL, we had a chance to have a dinner before the seminar. We visited  Södra Vätterbygdens folkhögskola  , a school for journalism in Sweden. The place is really beautiful, top of the hill, the view is awesome up there, SVT also told us that they also provided a building for the students to stay there while they are having their studies at SVT.  Mr. Nils explained to us that the numbers of students who want to study journalism are decreasing, because of the unemployment in Sweden. It is bad since I think journalism is impotant to give information to the world. However, SVT is still considered as one of the most respec...

In Sweden, life is pretty easy. the class schedule is far from busy. the longest class that I had was from 10.00 till 16.00 with 1 hour lunch break and 15 minutes small break for every 45 minutes. Oh, so relaxing! I study without pressure, self-willingness, because I like the teacher, (especially Mr. Christer Norr), He teaches like telling a story! he presents the real story from his experiences, how come I feel bored? Life is Sweden enables me to live no full agenda, usually I have a very hectic days back then. Every morning I have to wake up super early, think tons of to-do-lists for that day, read hundreds of emails that should be solved soon or many people will scold you, think what to eat, where, what the best route to avoid traffic jam... here... i think most for what i will cook for that day... hahaha... live with no shoulds. Nothing should be done urgent.... so relaxing! except now that I am working with my Master Thesis because this is related with my partner so I try...

Today I realize how grateful I am to be able to taste a sense of Sweden.... I just cant help to say how thankful I am right now... I fall in love with Sweden, helplessly... There is nothing I want to change here... The weather, my schoolmates, my thesis partner, my kithcen friends, my major, my teacher... I dont know what the future holds for me later on, but my life is perfect right here, right now.... I love you Sweden.... helplessly. Just in case I forget this kind of feeling, someday....

Actually I am a bit traumatized with birthday..... During these last 4 years, I had several "disasters" before this day.... I still remembered how one of my colleagues sent a very embarassing email to our email group in the office (including bosses too!!) to wish me a birthday greetings, I didnt want to meet people or several days afterwards....hahaha there was a time too when I had to prepare for go live project... for the whole week I couldn't have enough sleep. only 2-3 hours  day. I celebrated it in the following month after having time to take a break for a while.... last year, 3 days before my birthday, Jakarta was full of flood, well that's kinda blessings in disguise though so I could work from home,but on my birthday the flood was suddenly dissapeared and I had to come and meet people again. of course this year there is some "small disasters" too, the stories will come out next year, hahaha but in the end, the whole year has their own me...

I would say that December 2014 was one of my favourite years so far... hahaha... seems like everything in Sweden is my favourite.... But this december there are many "first time" for me... 1. This december I got a very cool group in one of my courses, I really enjoy being together with them... It contains 4 Swedish people, 1 German and 1 Indonesia ( me ) , hahaha I would say that amongst those 4 Swedish, there is 1 Swedish who is not really "Swedish", his father is originally from Serbia, he has Eastern Europe personality, haha w will get back to that in the end section... But I really like them all. They are all so  so so so fun. Although we have to go to school everyday (because they are a hardworking type), but I felt happy, I am a devoted student too, it's boring to stay in the room. Very much different with my previous group. So after fiishing the course I invited them all to have a taste of Indonesian Food. Viktoria, Karin, Yustine, Martin, Pelle...