Living in The Present Happiness

To be honest, I am living a life that is not in trend. Life in trend that I know  is : when at 25 you already have married, with a young man from a rich family, to celebrate a big big wedding party with more than a half guests you don't even know, then happily ever after. (honeymoon, get birth, being a jobless housewife, travelling around the world, with nice branded bags) I am not even close with that. At 25, this life right now was exactly what I wanted to be. (does it mean that I am living my dream now?) But now, I started to rethink again... Their life looks so easy, no responsibilities of jobs, of life, because her husband will take care of everything, your only job is to be a mom and to be pretty. isn't it fun? Meanwhile me : working fro 8-5 sometimes with overtime, dealing with some hard people that make my life difficult, I have to clean the house, do the laundry alone, feeling lonely and tired sometimes, being responsible of other people as well. ...

I think I am having my karma now, I used to saying how much I dislike people surround me before. Either they were annoying, parasite or just did not quite meet my expectation. But, they were always surround me, no matter what or how....  I do not really have much options now. hahahaha... Is it a bliss or miss? I have to admit that living in Sweden is not really exciting as it used to be, a part of me is calling for something else. It is lonely here.  I need to find my source of self-help to overcome this issue. Killing myself is never an option for me. no no... I think it is just me, but actually some of my colleagues who are really locals feel the same way too. then I stop blaming myself. Accepting and trying to make the best out of it is my choice now. One of the biggest helps that I get is when I hear a Dhammadessana by Ajahn Brahm. He is my helper. He said that how come you can feel lonely if you had the best friend of your life everywhere you are...

Last five months was one of the very bottom parts of my life, as I remember.... There was nothing wrong actually  from the outside. I can fulfill all my basic needs without any difficulties. But I feel depressed because my mobility was limited due to some circumstances. Turns out it is true when wise men say : Freedom is still better than living in a golden cage. Within those 5 months, I felt depressed, sad, lonely, I did not know what to do next in my life. I was not in my 100% capacity in everything. But I got my lesson. I learn to love my sufferings. I was used to escaping my pain and suffering , just because I always have the opportunities to do so. This time, I can not. Loving my sufferings was not easy at all. Sometimes I felt failed in life. At another time, I was questioning what the hell I was doing in here. I always want more and more. I never live in a situation where stay still is my only option. We live in a situation where we are taught to think, run, work,...

I tried my best to avoid watching Korean drama if some of my friends suggested me. It was not because they were not good. I have several experiences that they are actually extremely good until I could not step on this world anymore. Somehow the producer/director knows how to create the perfect prince charming. The actors maybe do not look extremely handsome like Chris Evans, but once you watch the storyline, how the producer makes the act, how he treats the girl and how rich he is, that's where I start to be crazy. I am not exaggerating but really I experienced myself. At that time it was not K-drama, but Taiwanese Drama : Meteor Garden. I never asked anything expensive to my parents, but apparently the VVIP ticket for the main actors' concert was one of them. I was a junior high school student at that time, with no source of money except from my parents. I joined alot of stupid quizzes that drained my telephone bills just in case there would be a miracle for me.... Lon...

When the road gets dark and you can no longer see... let my love throw a spark and have a little faith in me~ that was part of my favorite song... Have a little faith in me by Joe Cocker. The song is so simple and sincere, because it shows how breakable everyone is and a little faith from someone else could mean alot..... I also have a religion faith in me, Buddhism. The opening sentence when I learned it is Life is a suffering . while any other people want to get hope by having a religion.... But Buddha shows me the fact first. it is bitter, but it is true. Disliking our jobs, disliking our partner,friends, boss,colleague happens in every stage of our life. but we need to do it anyway. why??? to be honest, I do not know myself. But what I know is when my life could make somebody elses' life somewhere be better, then I am happy. maybe human beings are just like that.... people hurt each other for some reasons, and the reasons mostly because of the lacking o...

PS:This is not a religious post to promote certain religion. I grow up in a Buddhist family. But actually not until I was 20++ years old that I really learn Buddhism. What does that mean actually? Having "Buddhist" in your ID Card does not really mean that I practise Buddhism. I even understood more where Jesus was born, when and His history more than Buddha (Sidharta Gautama) , because the whole life I took a Catholic school. Meeting noble persons whom I called Guru changed my life forever. Guru Gede Prama and Samanera Neng Guang are two of my first Gurus who taught me Buddhism. Not like any candy-sweet promises that you can get when you are practising religion, where you can be in Heaven if you believe, etc. I remembered the opening sentence was: Life is a suffering. Meaning that we should realize that actually this is a fact. From the birth, school, kids, illness, old and die. those are the circle that everyone must pass in this life. Why do we have to do that? Al...

Just like my casual saturday night, I would like to have a cozy night with good food, good accompany and good movie. We decided to watch passenger that was played by Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt. With no expectation at all but turned out that this movie was good! Even without including how amazing J'Law is. Starting with the simple idea for the future that might soon come ( I guess), this movie reminds me again on how to live at the moment. We should really make the most of life. I am a worried person, I am worry if I get poor, if I am not doing well or many thing else! Geez, seems like my brain works like a horse for every breathe I take. It took away my peacefulness Being grateful of what we have is an un-ending reminder that I should always remember. It gives me peaceful moments and multiplies my existing happiness. Have the rest of your sunday, enjoy! Mettachittena, Yustine