Loving My Sufferings
Last five months was one of the very bottom parts of my life, as I remember....
There was nothing wrong actually from the outside. I can fulfill all my basic needs without any difficulties. But I feel depressed because my mobility was limited due to some circumstances.
Turns out it is true when wise men say : Freedom is still better than living in a golden cage.
Within those 5 months, I felt depressed, sad, lonely, I did not know what to do next in my life. I was not in my 100% capacity in everything. But I got my lesson.
I learn to love my sufferings. I was used to escaping my pain and suffering , just because I always have the opportunities to do so. This time, I can not. Loving my sufferings was not easy at all. Sometimes I felt failed in life. At another time, I was questioning what the hell I was doing in here.
I always want more and more. I never live in a situation where stay still is my only option.
We live in a situation where we are taught to think, run, work, do some activities. But nobody taught us (probably only me) to stay still. Accept the situation without doing anything. Try to find the beauty of everything even though the negative thoughts were attacking me from all over places.
I felt lonely and moreover... alone.
Just before I got back my 'pass'... All of a sudden, the world starts shining again. Nobody changes. Nothing changes in my life. the work is the same. The situation is the same. The people are the same.
But why does it feel different???
I still don't know. But I know that it feels better to stay still and try to love my suffering than complaining. Complaining is tiring. It drains your energy until it feels so hard to breathe! ..Without any better.
Having something to look forward to feels amazing. Probably the proverbs was true that human can live without food for one week, without water for three days, but not a second without hope. Hope is something that moves us forward. Because we know that there might be something better out there. There is someone waiting for us. Hope is the fuel for us to run the life. Feel alive and keep alive are two different things that you should notice right away the differences.
I chose not only to keep alive, but feel alive! How about you?
Mettachittena,
Yustine Hendrika
There was nothing wrong actually from the outside. I can fulfill all my basic needs without any difficulties. But I feel depressed because my mobility was limited due to some circumstances.
Turns out it is true when wise men say : Freedom is still better than living in a golden cage.
Within those 5 months, I felt depressed, sad, lonely, I did not know what to do next in my life. I was not in my 100% capacity in everything. But I got my lesson.
I learn to love my sufferings. I was used to escaping my pain and suffering , just because I always have the opportunities to do so. This time, I can not. Loving my sufferings was not easy at all. Sometimes I felt failed in life. At another time, I was questioning what the hell I was doing in here.
I always want more and more. I never live in a situation where stay still is my only option.
We live in a situation where we are taught to think, run, work, do some activities. But nobody taught us (probably only me) to stay still. Accept the situation without doing anything. Try to find the beauty of everything even though the negative thoughts were attacking me from all over places.
I felt lonely and moreover... alone.
Just before I got back my 'pass'... All of a sudden, the world starts shining again. Nobody changes. Nothing changes in my life. the work is the same. The situation is the same. The people are the same.
But why does it feel different???
I still don't know. But I know that it feels better to stay still and try to love my suffering than complaining. Complaining is tiring. It drains your energy until it feels so hard to breathe! ..Without any better.
Having something to look forward to feels amazing. Probably the proverbs was true that human can live without food for one week, without water for three days, but not a second without hope. Hope is something that moves us forward. Because we know that there might be something better out there. There is someone waiting for us. Hope is the fuel for us to run the life. Feel alive and keep alive are two different things that you should notice right away the differences.
I chose not only to keep alive, but feel alive! How about you?
Mettachittena,
Yustine Hendrika
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