About Being Lonely

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I think I am having my karma now, I used to saying how much I dislike people surround me before.
Either they were annoying, parasite or just did not quite meet my expectation. But, they were always surround me, no matter what or how.... 

I do not really have much options now. hahahaha... Is it a bliss or miss?

I have to admit that living in Sweden is not really exciting as it used to be, a part of me is calling for something else. It is lonely here. 

I need to find my source of self-help to overcome this issue.
Killing myself is never an option for me. no no...

I think it is just me, but actually some of my colleagues who are really locals feel the same way too.
then I stop blaming myself. Accepting and trying to make the best out of it is my choice now.

One of the biggest helps that I get is when I hear a Dhammadessana by Ajahn Brahm. He is my helper. He said that how come you can feel lonely if you had the best friend of your life everywhere you are.... yourself!

It is never an easy task to accept this condition. whenever I compare my situation now and before, the line is thick. It was lively, it is boring. It was exciting, it is dull. But why am I still here?
I need to learn to stop running from my problem.
problems are everywhere. 
Yes it was exciting before, but I felt so annoyed many times!
Yes it was exciting before, but I was poor!!! *|evil smirk|
I was a slave of my own ambition before. 

Being alone makes me learn how to love not-so-many people that I have now. I take care of them with all I have and not take them for granted anymore. 

Being alone makes me realize that I need to stop torturing myself with my endless ambition and stay still, make friends with my own self.

Being alone makes me be aware that falling in love is a blessing that I should cherish. Falling in love is supposed to be give more than take more of yourself.

I do not say that I am fully happy now, but I learn to live well.

When I asked my Mom if a girl who was getting married with a son from a rich man was happy.. she said, nobody is fully happy, everyone has their own problem that you can not see...yet.

Your life is the best for you, you just need to take care of them.

So, whoever you are, if you were feeling lonely now, at least you have me to be lonely together.
Cheer up and enjoy this precious life!




Mettachittena,
Yustine Hendrika




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