Pure Love vs Selfish Love
For more than 30 years I live in this world, there is one thing that I know for sure that I never doubt.
I love my parents very much.
Wise men said that the love of a mother is indefinite long, while a child's love is as long as a stick.
It's more famous as an idiom in Indonesian language.
As time goes by, I now can live a convenient life, I have my own money, I can travel around the world and I have freedom. My hobby is to think or plan for my parents : what should I buy them as a gift? where should we have a vacation ? what do they like? etc etc I feel like I am being a good and dream daughter already. (on my opinion)
A month ago, so I flew to my home country to visit my parents. It was a long-awaited holiday for me as the work in the office has been a bit too much, so I needed a well-deserved break.
Tropical countries have never been my favourite destination for relax, as I get inconvenient in a hot weather, but my favourite people are there, so Air conditioned room can handle it.
We travelled a bit to Singapore, Malaysia , also for my mom's medical check-up. There was a bitter feeling when she had to ask other people to accompany her to go to the doctor....
It should have been me, always me...
But anyway, so after finishing the doctor, we had fun, lots of food and shop.
Everything was happy and perfect. My husband also brought his mom to join us. He was inspired by how I treated my parents, now he likes to call his mom during weekend and even bring her for a trip!
We fast forward to the main story when I felt disappointed with my parent.
I was very sick on that day. I seldom get sick, once a year is already too often.
But this time due to moving in and out from the cold AC room and hot outside temperature, I got sick. My body is not adjusted to the tropical weather anymore. :(
I was actually quite happy, because it means that I can get the full attention from my family, since I have them around.
However... that is not the case. My mother still had to help her sister to take care of her shop, and I was left at home. Yes, I had my husband and my father spoiling me.....
I still kept it in my heart until now. I felt like my mother never put me as her first priority.
She always has something on her schedule; take care of this and that... her friends, sisters, brothers, cousins.... and EVERYONE!
I was hurt at that time.
Even until I came back, I felt like all my sacrifices to use my vacation days from work for her, spent some money went into wasted.
After a week could not have a good sleep, I opened up with my husband. He had one magnificent answer to my doubts : why my mother never puts me first ? I never think I am a troublesome kid, I am independent and never make any issues.... Everyone wants me as their kid, can't my mom behave like other moms to me?
He said...
You should be very proud of your Mom, everyone loves her and trust her.
Her love is big to many people and not many people can have it.
No Moms don't love their kid. You are loved , but her love is bigger than that.
Don't you ever think that your mom has been willing to give you with me, even though I am originally noone? Now you spent more time with me... and your mom is okay with that.
That is sacrifice.
.....and many other long explanations..
I was drowned at that night, thinking about what he said, and I realised my love is a selfish love.
I expect a return from her.I compare. I see what I have done to her, not the other way around.
While her love is a pure love, divergent love... she can love many people at once. No wonder the phone keeps ringing.
My love is the convergent one, the selfish one. I can only love a few and expect them to do the same to me.
I should learn to have a pure love to everyone. Love many, without anything in return.
Mother's love is the best gift that this universe has ever given to your life.
I wish you all a happy new year 2020, may the whole year full of love and happiness, peaceful mind to you and your beloved ones.
Mettachittena,
Yustine H
I love my parents very much.
Wise men said that the love of a mother is indefinite long, while a child's love is as long as a stick.
It's more famous as an idiom in Indonesian language.
As time goes by, I now can live a convenient life, I have my own money, I can travel around the world and I have freedom. My hobby is to think or plan for my parents : what should I buy them as a gift? where should we have a vacation ? what do they like? etc etc I feel like I am being a good and dream daughter already. (on my opinion)
A month ago, so I flew to my home country to visit my parents. It was a long-awaited holiday for me as the work in the office has been a bit too much, so I needed a well-deserved break.
Tropical countries have never been my favourite destination for relax, as I get inconvenient in a hot weather, but my favourite people are there, so Air conditioned room can handle it.
We travelled a bit to Singapore, Malaysia , also for my mom's medical check-up. There was a bitter feeling when she had to ask other people to accompany her to go to the doctor....
It should have been me, always me...
But anyway, so after finishing the doctor, we had fun, lots of food and shop.
Everything was happy and perfect. My husband also brought his mom to join us. He was inspired by how I treated my parents, now he likes to call his mom during weekend and even bring her for a trip!
We fast forward to the main story when I felt disappointed with my parent.
I was very sick on that day. I seldom get sick, once a year is already too often.
But this time due to moving in and out from the cold AC room and hot outside temperature, I got sick. My body is not adjusted to the tropical weather anymore. :(
I was actually quite happy, because it means that I can get the full attention from my family, since I have them around.
However... that is not the case. My mother still had to help her sister to take care of her shop, and I was left at home. Yes, I had my husband and my father spoiling me.....
I still kept it in my heart until now. I felt like my mother never put me as her first priority.
She always has something on her schedule; take care of this and that... her friends, sisters, brothers, cousins.... and EVERYONE!
I was hurt at that time.
Even until I came back, I felt like all my sacrifices to use my vacation days from work for her, spent some money went into wasted.
After a week could not have a good sleep, I opened up with my husband. He had one magnificent answer to my doubts : why my mother never puts me first ? I never think I am a troublesome kid, I am independent and never make any issues.... Everyone wants me as their kid, can't my mom behave like other moms to me?
He said...
You should be very proud of your Mom, everyone loves her and trust her.
Her love is big to many people and not many people can have it.
No Moms don't love their kid. You are loved , but her love is bigger than that.
Don't you ever think that your mom has been willing to give you with me, even though I am originally noone? Now you spent more time with me... and your mom is okay with that.
That is sacrifice.
.....and many other long explanations..
I was drowned at that night, thinking about what he said, and I realised my love is a selfish love.
I expect a return from her.I compare. I see what I have done to her, not the other way around.
While her love is a pure love, divergent love... she can love many people at once. No wonder the phone keeps ringing.
My love is the convergent one, the selfish one. I can only love a few and expect them to do the same to me.
I should learn to have a pure love to everyone. Love many, without anything in return.
Mother's love is the best gift that this universe has ever given to your life.
I wish you all a happy new year 2020, may the whole year full of love and happiness, peaceful mind to you and your beloved ones.
Mettachittena,
Yustine H
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