Living in The Present Happiness

I think I am having my karma now, I used to saying how much I dislike people surround me before. Either they were annoying, parasite or just did not quite meet my expectation. But, they were always surround me, no matter what or how....  I do not really have much options now. hahahaha... Is it a bliss or miss? I have to admit that living in Sweden is not really exciting as it used to be, a part of me is calling for something else. It is lonely here.  I need to find my source of self-help to overcome this issue. Killing myself is never an option for me. no no... I think it is just me, but actually some of my colleagues who are really locals feel the same way too. then I stop blaming myself. Accepting and trying to make the best out of it is my choice now. One of the biggest helps that I get is when I hear a Dhammadessana by Ajahn Brahm. He is my helper. He said that how come you can feel lonely if you had the best friend of your life everywhere you are...

Last five months was one of the very bottom parts of my life, as I remember.... There was nothing wrong actually  from the outside. I can fulfill all my basic needs without any difficulties. But I feel depressed because my mobility was limited due to some circumstances. Turns out it is true when wise men say : Freedom is still better than living in a golden cage. Within those 5 months, I felt depressed, sad, lonely, I did not know what to do next in my life. I was not in my 100% capacity in everything. But I got my lesson. I learn to love my sufferings. I was used to escaping my pain and suffering , just because I always have the opportunities to do so. This time, I can not. Loving my sufferings was not easy at all. Sometimes I felt failed in life. At another time, I was questioning what the hell I was doing in here. I always want more and more. I never live in a situation where stay still is my only option. We live in a situation where we are taught to think, run, work,...