About 2022 Finally my biggest nightmare happened in 2022 where I lost my mom.... It has been 6 months since she left us, I still feel weak when I remember about that moment. The only person who always support me no matter what... The only person whose cooking is second to none.... The only person who can feed my soul.... I feel like I am a dying person now. Every success that I reached, it means nothing if I have no one to be brag with. Every good things happen in my life, I remember whom I always called first, but she is not there anymore. I do not understand this part of the life. My relationship with her was not the lovey dovey one where I could kiss and hug her on any occassions. She is actually the one who scolded me the most..... But she is the one who showered me with love the biggest. My regret comes from the thought if I did not treat her well enough when she was alive. I did not treat her will when she was sick.... I felt like I could do better... I felt like our time shoul
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How to Deal with Emotional Exhaustion
In the last couple of months, life has been tough on me. Mostly due to my mother's condition..... As the only child, I feel responsible to take care of her, as I do not see anyone can do that. I want her to have the best medication that one can have....It is painful to be restless while treating her. Suddenly all my past glory and ¨'arrogrance' hit me: I used to be able to plan many years ahead, at this age, I should do this, become this and that, have this much money etc etc... When I looked back, how arrogant I am. While now, I live day by day hoping the best result can happen magically. I must be strong , to my mother, to my child, to my family.... In the end, I felt beaten, and started asking why me? This is very hard for one person to take. Until I watched a youtube video from Ajahn Brahm about emotional exhaustion that appeared suddenly on my timeline. There was another person asking Ajahn what to do when things get tough and she felt emotional exhaustion? Ajahn Br
A Grateful Heart is The Cure of All Sufferings
Today I feel like I want to pray to the universe just to say thank you. No more complaints, No more begging, no more wishes... Sometimes life runs too fast until we do not have time to stop for even a minute to see the bigger picture. We see other people more succeeding in life, then we have the rush to catch up with that too... We see other people buy more fancy material things, then we have the need to also own it.... When does this stop? I am on my maternity leave now, so I have a lot of free time to make sure the baby inside me takes everything she needs from me to grow well. Luckily my brain is still working, so I can still do some thinking. All I can think of now is how blessed I am now. I feel so grateful that my husband is so kind until I think all those Korean imaginary actors do not seem relevant to feel jealous of anymore. :) Captain Ri Jeong Hyok, sorry... My husband is much better for me. I do not have many support systems in my life, but the ones that are for me are the b
When You Get Less Than What You Deserve
So many things in life happened now that I could not catch up right now on this post. Overall, it is a good thing, I will share a bit later... However, tonight I have something in mind that I would like to share first. After some good food with nice accompanies today, I took a hot shower with all my favourite bath supplies. I feel so refreshed and relaxed now. Let's see if that could help me flow the words properly here... :) I want to talk about something that some of us, if not MOST of us experienced often : When you think that you get less than what you deserve. How often do you feel that? When you think that your boss doesn't appreciate you enough even though you have worked overtime and more than your job description, perhaps? Or..when you think that your partner does not love you enough the way you love him/her? When you think that you have done everything you could to make your parents proud, but still...it is not enough. There are three ways on seeing this feeling or t
Dedicated to Whoever Whom Does Not Get Enough Love
It is quite often when I implemented something at my work that have been solving the problems that have been there for years, I got some recognition for that. But there was always something inside me, seeing that it was not perfect enough. Not good enough. It could have been faster and better.... Out of the 100 bricks that I built, 98 were perfect and I only saw the 2 that were imperfect. Almost all the times. Perfectionist? Maybe. But then, I got into this old memory of my childhood when my mother had a voucher to live in a luxury hotel actually. I just suddenly remembered this. I remembered exactly that I didnt get to stay at that hotel with my father. Instead, my mother gave it away to her sister. On a family occasion, I remembered bitterly how ourselves lived in a regular place, not sure if it was a hotel, but definitely my mom's sister stayed at that nice hotel. We are not a very rich family, a luxury hotel like that is not something that we can enjoy. If I were
Happy International Woman's Day
To all ladies in this world, Happy International Woman's Day! In my opinion, I don't think woman and men can ever be equal. As much as I want it to be , as a woman, but it will never be. We can just hope that we have the same opportunities and treatment as a woman. Men can not give birth, the same as women can never be sperm donors. So what is the issue here? The issues come when women are seen to be placed in the kitchen, bed and home. The issues come when women are seen as a less qualified engineer than men. The issues come when women are not supposed to drive nor sit on the same table with all the rest of the important people. Count how many women in the table on my ex-department? That is the equality that I expect. But never the equality from the 'pitiful treatment' from the world. Hope all women can work as she wish for, to be the best astronaut, to be the best mechanical engineer, to be the best IT developer, without being pushed away before tr
A journey to the infinity gratefulness
When you look back for 10-year-younger you, have you ever felt that you have what you wished for now? You wished for a certain amount of salary at that time... You wished for a kind and loving husband... You wished to have your own home... But then, the next question is : Are you happy now? It seems like the nature of human being where you always want more, higher, bigger, better. There was a time where my prayer was full of wishing other beings' happiness without mine in it. Because I have had enough, at that time. But now when my prayer is full of my wishes again, I reflect. What happens? It is not so convenient, when you get back to this situation again. Asking...wishing is tiring. Now I want to wish for a grateful heart, where I feel grateful of what I have now, strive for better but happy enough to be where I am now. I believe that is how I maintain my mental health in this fast-cruel world, where everyone expect you to be something you are not. I hope g